It immediately got me thinking about the perception of happiness. What is happiness? Happiness is.... the feeling of being happy, cheerfulness, contentment, enjoyment, euphoria, optimism, hopefulness, laughter or joy.
We have all had thoughts such as I'll be much happier, if only I weighed half a stone or a stone lighter, if only I had a new car, if only I had a different job with a higher salary, if only I had that new pair of shoes, or if only I had more money. Yet, when we get the new car, the new pair of shoes etc, the happiness we thought we would feel is short-lived or in some cases non existent. Why is that?
Many confuse happiness with anticipation and this is neatly summed up by the following quote:
Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne
Anticipation, linked to surprise, in some respects, can actually satisfy us more than the actual act or event. The chemical reactions in the brain, where a release of the desire chemical Dopamine, brings about the feeling of euphoria, motivation, and desire to achieve a goal, is then passed once we acquire that which we were awaiting, once it arrives.
So, what makes us happy and sustains that feeling?
Is it something that we are born with? You are either born a happy person or an unhappy person? Is it something we have no control over? Is it a product of our environment?
There is also a thought that it is easier to focus on unhappiness and sadness than it is to feel happy or be positive in a given situation.
We have to look for happiness within ourselves, nothing or nobody can make us happy, we choose ourselves if we want to be happy or to have happy thoughts. If we constantly say to ourselves, I'd be much happier if my boyfriend/husband/wife/children were more understanding, loving etc., then we are moving that feeling and emotion beyond our control, and thus external to us.
Reading through the book by Stefan Klein, he does state that we can change this about ourselves, the brain can change if we work at it and encourage it to.
It just takes practise, like anything else, we have to learn how to behave with a happier frame of mind and then eventually if we do it for long enough it becomes a habit!
If you want to be happy you have to choose to be happy and be at cause for your own thoughts and feelings, taking full control.
At the root of gaining true happiness is controlling your thoughts and your actions. It has been well researched that activity and exercise can lead us to be happier individuals. The secret is in setting yourself a goal and, no matter how big or how small that goal, even when you achieve partial completion, the sense of achievement brings about a great sense of well being. The more activity, the more you achieve success, the more this brings about a greater sense of feeling fully alive and contented. And also, much happiness is found for those people surrounded by friends. Interaction with, and support from, friends has been proven to improve our sense of contentment and ultimate happiness.
As Aristotle said, "No-one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world".
So, happiness can be found in achieving our goals, by setting ourselves achievable targets to focus on external matters and activities rather than wallowing and navel gazing wondering why happiness hasn't happened in our lives. If we want happiness we have to get off our backsides and go and find it. It's in self actualisation, it's in conversations with friends, giving and receiving support from others, watching nature and full appreciation of our surroundings. It's in sharing dinner with our loved ones, smiling with our families, and enjoying the so called simple things in life, those things that with time become our fondest memories.
Dalai Lama denotes "the actual secrets of the path of happiness are determination, effort and time".
So, start living today, start making those memories happen in your life today, tomorrow may be too late.
And remember, as someone once said, "being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect, it means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"!
As a master practitioner of NLP, Time Line Therapy™ and Hypnotherapy, I can help you rid yourself of negative emotions, to set you off onto the path of improved happiness and enable you to achieve your goals. If you need advice, why not post a comment to me today?
I look forward to hearing your comments, until next time.
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